I like to watch talks on TED.com and every now and then I come across an incredible talk that I wish everyone could see and embrace. This talk is one: http://on.ted.com/Breel
In my struggles I have learned that love and especially self-love is one of the most powerful forces in the world. I don’t mean arrogance or narcissism, but unconditional love and acceptance. My search for unconditional self love is / has been an epic journey that has helped me in ways that I have never expected and at times has overwhelming me with blessings. I am still a work in progress.
I have lived so long with the negative thoughts that when I think of my cherished relationship with myself, up pops the questions and hateful comments… why you? Your not special. Someone else deserves it more… and on and on they go. Until I stay stop. I love myself to much to say that or to treat my body like this or to, honestly, hate myself like that. I am hoping, with time, the hateful comments will become less and less.
Now while this has everything to do with an eating disorder, you may wonder what in the world it has to do with running. Well my friends, yesterday I finished my first race. I was so scarred when we got there. I didn’t want to line up for the start. I was hoping for some excuse as to why I could back out. But I also knew I was worth it and deserved this win. Without the process of developing this self-love and acceptance, I would not have participated in that race.
I can’t explain all of the pieces and parts of how I got here, but I can tell you that for me that first step was asking others for help and being honest. It also comes with the little victories that I have everyday. Some days the victory is setting boundaries and other days it is telling people about ED. I am not ashamed of me anymore. My self-love has helped me to see, understand, and feel that I don’t need ED to help me cope. I have my tool box: Love, support, distraction, journaling, and movement.
What is in your tool box? Let me know. More details about the race and pictures to come in a few days…